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Belle Robinson diary, 1875-1877
149
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fail. I want to live more for others, to make my life a noble one if it is a humble one, to have influence & use it only for good, & in the very face of these determinations & longings & I am selfish, vain & weak. Oh, if others who are my friends now should know my comments thoughts or the motive that prompts many an action how they would despise me. Always longing & determining never being, seldom doing _ often, very often failing utterly. This is not my imagination for I know myself better that others & it is true. But I must not stop - that would be another failure added to my long list; I must begin again now - for if I never get very good, trying is something. Good Night. Hypocrite.
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fail. I want to live more for others, to make my life a noble one if it is a humble one, to have influence & use it only for good, & in the very face of these determinations & longings & I am selfish, vain & weak. Oh, if others who are my friends now should know my comments thoughts or the motive that prompts many an action how they would despise me. Always longing & determining never being, seldom doing _ often, very often failing utterly. This is not my imagination for I know myself better that others & it is true. But I must not stop - that would be another failure added to my long list; I must begin again now - for if I never get very good, trying is something. Good Night. Hypocrite.
Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries
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