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Eno family letters, October 1832-October 1834
1832-10-30 Page 1
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Penn Yen Oct 30 1832 Dear Father How to write or address myself to the kindest of parents I scarcely know - or how I can hope to be forgiven for treating with neglect and a seeming want of affection my father for whom of all persons on earth my duty & love were most owing - Nothing but an infatuation for which I cannot account joined with some misfortunes which I am sorry to say I had not at the time strength of mind to surmount could have led me to be guilty of conduct which I cannot help but call criminal - but whatever has occurred has not been from want of affection or of love which a son should cherish for a father - but I had determined that until I restored myself to a good standing in community & until I could in some measure enjoy a portion of self esteem not to write, but to let just such reports as should be carried from here be the only vehicle from which you should obtain an opinion of me or my conduct - I now think I was wrong in this determination, & I should not have left you to a long state of painful suspence - If I thought you could forgive me, it would remove almost the only painful thorn now rankling in my bosom. I wish to return & see the land where my boyhood was spent & to see my father & brothers who I believe love me still not withstanding all my faults - but I cannot return until I can carry with me some convincing proof that I am worthy to be called your son - and that ere long I feel confident of being able to do. I feel confident of yet earning for myself a name among men, and if untiring industry & assiduity will do it I shall be if not first not last in the race - I enjoy an excellent state of health, I never was stronger or more active and have & am almost led to think an iron constitution which nothing can injure - however I am particularly careful & take a proper porportion of exercise which ensures me a vigorous state of body, & which enables me to [enjure?] if I
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Penn Yen Oct 30 1832 Dear Father How to write or address myself to the kindest of parents I scarcely know - or how I can hope to be forgiven for treating with neglect and a seeming want of affection my father for whom of all persons on earth my duty & love were most owing - Nothing but an infatuation for which I cannot account joined with some misfortunes which I am sorry to say I had not at the time strength of mind to surmount could have led me to be guilty of conduct which I cannot help but call criminal - but whatever has occurred has not been from want of affection or of love which a son should cherish for a father - but I had determined that until I restored myself to a good standing in community & until I could in some measure enjoy a portion of self esteem not to write, but to let just such reports as should be carried from here be the only vehicle from which you should obtain an opinion of me or my conduct - I now think I was wrong in this determination, & I should not have left you to a long state of painful suspence - If I thought you could forgive me, it would remove almost the only painful thorn now rankling in my bosom. I wish to return & see the land where my boyhood was spent & to see my father & brothers who I believe love me still not withstanding all my faults - but I cannot return until I can carry with me some convincing proof that I am worthy to be called your son - and that ere long I feel confident of being able to do. I feel confident of yet earning for myself a name among men, and if untiring industry & assiduity will do it I shall be if not first not last in the race - I enjoy an excellent state of health, I never was stronger or more active and have & am almost led to think an iron constitution which nothing can injure - however I am particularly careful & take a proper porportion of exercise which ensures me a vigorous state of body, & which enables me to [enjure?] if I
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