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Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s

Page 117

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knows when he merits praise or even immortality, and lets that he all the honor he needs to spur him on. The acclaim which must come from within himself must not permit him to spare his effects. It will spur him on to more noble achievement. No one can divorce a painter from his canvas; from expressing himself. Praise and applause - in the sense that he has arrived and there is nothing more for him to achieve is disastrous. Fancy having to measure up to the standards that have gone before - as if that were a good in itself. Having to repeat an erstwhile performance - what a grand and glorious bore! My exhibits, I have noted, have an inordinately astonishing effect upon some individuals who see them. Curiously enough this effect is sometimes even discernable upon still prosaic souls, where feet would seem to cling flatly to the earth. It is like having someone unused to drink come by a particularly heady brand of intoxicant. The results: - People seemingly become inebriated with an expansive, loquacious, all-embracing excitement. At my last exhibits in Boulder praise was poured and lavishly - and apparently sincerely enough. It paled into insignificance anything that had gone before. There was so much enthusiasm, extravagant statements and predictions so fantastic that they made my head swim. These don't bear repetition. And yet, I should like to believe. A belief in myself and my painting is life. These compliments, however, reviewed in the light of some thought may be relegated to a treasured memory archive for future reference. From then I may take them out and fondle them in moments of depression and heartsickness. These good people, I must add were my friends, and friends who are happy in the joy of my achievement! With people so complimentary, a painter must keep his own
 
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