Transcribe
Translate
Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s
Page 181
More information
digital collection
archival collection guide
transcription tips
a broad skyline. So that now, with all these experiences in sketch books and as indelible impressions on my sand, I can live more fully within, then it might otherwise have been possible to do. Apparently though, what I did mind was being puppeted to the whims of an overzealous society. Being a cog in an overly ambitious scheme away from the direction of self expression and self fulfillment. What I did mind was the inconsideration of my spiritual needs, and of me as a personality. My aesthetic soul minded being balked in its creative drive. I minded being constantly drained of energy. Above all I minded the spiritual malnutrition and neglect in this pattern of existence that was causing in certain degree the recall and consequent digestive disturbance. Now after months of enforced rest I see plainly the error of my ways and the futility of the way of life for me. The absurdity of it all as we live it has become transparently apparent. Perhaps it is possible that I may have been some physical change like the shedding of an old cocoon. In this case at least the old skin can never be put back on again and serve as an extra pickup, old-coot mantle. The transformation has been decisive and cannot be recalled. For never again shall I be able to accomodate myself to compression into a given mold - a mold dictated by the fancy of others without any regard to my own personal needs. If in the future, as in the past, anyone should happen to want artificial flowers, May baskets or paper favors made by the hundreds, then I shall be inaccessible. For I am completely through with being a pawn, and very well and from under dictation. This is indeed my declaration of independence. For it was that sort of thing - the making of paper flowers, or for than rather anything which requires going through the same motions over and over - anything which needs to be constructed one like the
Saving...
prev
next
a broad skyline. So that now, with all these experiences in sketch books and as indelible impressions on my sand, I can live more fully within, then it might otherwise have been possible to do. Apparently though, what I did mind was being puppeted to the whims of an overzealous society. Being a cog in an overly ambitious scheme away from the direction of self expression and self fulfillment. What I did mind was the inconsideration of my spiritual needs, and of me as a personality. My aesthetic soul minded being balked in its creative drive. I minded being constantly drained of energy. Above all I minded the spiritual malnutrition and neglect in this pattern of existence that was causing in certain degree the recall and consequent digestive disturbance. Now after months of enforced rest I see plainly the error of my ways and the futility of the way of life for me. The absurdity of it all as we live it has become transparently apparent. Perhaps it is possible that I may have been some physical change like the shedding of an old cocoon. In this case at least the old skin can never be put back on again and serve as an extra pickup, old-coot mantle. The transformation has been decisive and cannot be recalled. For never again shall I be able to accomodate myself to compression into a given mold - a mold dictated by the fancy of others without any regard to my own personal needs. If in the future, as in the past, anyone should happen to want artificial flowers, May baskets or paper favors made by the hundreds, then I shall be inaccessible. For I am completely through with being a pawn, and very well and from under dictation. This is indeed my declaration of independence. For it was that sort of thing - the making of paper flowers, or for than rather anything which requires going through the same motions over and over - anything which needs to be constructed one like the
Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries
sidebar
